Several years ago I had a rather complicated friendship. This person and I seemed to have a very real connection and even fumbled over the idea of dating. I was the one who decided against us dating. I loved him, but I loved him much like I loved my best female friend. To me he was a kindred soul who played an important role in the development of my spirituality. He promised me he would not abandon our friendship. Then he decided to pour gasoline all over the bridge that connected us. He lit it on fire, watched the blaze turn the bridge into ashes, and then let all those ashes be washed down stream and scattered goodness knows where. I was angry for quite a while. This wasn’t the type of anger you get simply from being ticked off. This was the type of anger you get from letting someone into your heart only to have them rip it open. This anger was so intense it was almost hatred. Perhaps it actually was hatred. The experience caused me so much emotional turmoil that I reached a point in which I realized I was poisoning myself. I knew I needed to forgive him in order to have peace.
I accepted that it was karma’s job to teach him a lesson and not my job to hold venom within myself. I let go of the anger and pain. I grieved the loss of the person who I had been friends with (because to me that person had died or was a fake all along), and I found peace. That’s not quite the end of the story though.
Throughout the years he has appeared in my dreams numerous times. The environment of the dream changes. His emotional state in the dream is not always the same. The message goes unchanged though. In these dreams, he is regretful for what occurred and he wishes to be in my life again. My response is always some version of “I forgive you, but I cannot let you back into my life.” Even though I have found peace and let him go, somehow he continues to appear in my dreams what seems to be at least once a year. Something in my mind, be it my own intuition or a spirit guide, tells me his psyche might be canoeing its way into my dreamscape (since the bridge was burned). I don’t know if he would be doing so consciously or if his subconscious is holding the paddle. I wonder if this type of occurrence is fairly common. Have any of my readers experienced this? If so, have those readers been able to get the occurrence to stop?
Blessed be, y’all.