Today I Saw A Photo

Today Facebook reminded me of the existence of a decade old photo that had been edited 7 years ago.  Oh how I was channeling a sort of seductive underworld goddess in that picture.  I hadn’t recognized my connection to Persephone at that time, so it is somewhat amusing in retrospect.  I felt like a chubby plain girl from maybe fifth grade through most of my senior year of high school.  I then went through my skinny period (like a size 8 perhaps, which is skinny for me).  During that time I really tapped into that seductive power that lies within us women; that energy in which we find ourselves strutting around enjoying how desirable we are.  On the outside I went from being an awkward, chubby, semi-goth girl to being a bombshell.  On the inside though, I was still an awkward, insecure, semi-goth girl who didn’t value herself enough or in the right ways.  A decade later, I am indeed chubby again.  I do not consider myself particularly seductive, though that part of myself still comes out for my man from time to time.  I am still probably a little awkward and certainly still semi-goth.  I found value in myself though.  I see more value in myself as a cute chubby chick than I ever did as a bombshell.  It’s kind of funny that things worked out that way.  I found love for myself by gradually accepting and appreciating myself.  I got free from the trap that is trying too hard to please others in order to feel like a valuable person.  I know it is okay to love myself even if others points out that I am not good enough.  Even if those others are family members.  And you know what?  It seems people stop offering their two cents as much when they can tell you don’t really give a crap about their criticisms.

On a related note;  I should lose some weight, but not in order to be more “attractive.”  That would just be a bonus if anything.  Mostly I just am too broke to buy new clothes and it would be nice to fit in more than 2 pairs of my jeans.  :-p  That, and you know, health.  I’m in a rather snug size 16 at the moment.  I could probably fit in an 18 depending on brand.  It’s tricky losing weight when you are not the one controlling what food comes into the house.  I am still a dependent for the time being.  This means the key to losing weight is being mindful of how much I eat and being sure to exercise.  The mindfulness is not so difficult.  It’s the exercising I’m not a big fan of.  I like walking in natural settings, but walking alone doesn’t seem safe in a wooded area with the neighbor’s PACK of dogs running wild and probably a decent sized coyote population these days.  Excuses excuses.  I know.  😉  I guess I could try staying with yoga.  I find that I like it, but it is so easy to get out of a habit of doing.  I don’t think it will help much with weight loss, but I know it is a healthy practice.  Anywho, that is all for this post.  Blessed be, y’all.


4 thoughts on “Today I Saw A Photo

  1. I envy your confidence. I am also working to get to that place. I hope for you it only gets stronger. 20 years after graduating from high school and I still feel like the fat girl who got relentlessly teased. It is time for me to get over that. I love what you said about people being reluctant to give their two cents when they know you don’t give a crap. It’s absolutely true.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope you can get there sooner rather than later. It seems you have waited for that long enough. When we put too much importance in how our vessels look it is like ignoring the roses in a vase because we are so busy looking at the vase itself. A glass soda bottle holds a beautiful flower just as well as a crystal vase does. Keep the vessel steady, but focus more on what’s in it. I sound cheesey, but oh well. :-p


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