Self-Cleaning Doormat

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Doormat image from wayfair.com

A while back I posted about how sometimes people just need to scream and how we may be on the receiving end of that.  I suppose this post relates to that.  You might consider it a continuation of that post.

I am really trying to become more rational when it comes to anger and frustration.  This doesn’t only apply to my own anger and frustration.  It isn’t the most natural thing for a person to neither cry or scream in situations that lend to such reactions.  Imagine two versions of yourself.  One version is sensible and the other version wants to rip into those who mistreat you.  It can be a struggle to keep a balance between being a doormat and wanting to unleash  what I call “my inner raging bitch monster”.  I find the sensible me holding her hand over the mouth of the harsh me.  The harsh me still grumbles behind that hand, feeling like she could spit fire.  The sensible me spends a while essentially saying “There there.  Calm down.  Listen to my rational point.”  Sometimes both versions are pissed off, which makes it more difficult to remain centered.

I have spent most of my life being what many would call a “doormat”.  I’m sure there are people who would consider me weak because of that.  I have certainly experienced my share of weakness.  I have been going through a learning process though.  I have previously stated that I believe one of the main life lessons I am meant to learn is patience.  I can tell you that I have learned being a doormat isn’t always because of weakness.  Many times one allows himself/herself to be a doormat because they know that sometimes it is the best option.  That probably sounds like nonsense to a large portion of the population.  It is sensible though.  I will try to show how it is sensible with an fictional example.

Example:  Maddie has a brother who is going through a messy divorce.  Sometimes her brother gets jealous when he sees how strong her marriage is.  Add that jealousy to the stress over assets being split, friendships being lost, and an ugly custody battle.  The result is sometimes Maddie’s brother behaves like a jerk to her.  He doesn’t hit her, steal from her, or do anything that severe.  What happens is that he becomes critical and argumentative.  “Maddie, what were you thinking with that hair cut?”  “Maddie, sometimes I think you’re stupid.”  “Maddie, I don’t understand why you deserve to be happy when my life sucks.”    Maddie gently points that being mean to her will not make his life better.  This makes him aware of his misbehavior.  He still slips up often though.  Her husband tells her that she needs to cut her brother off.  She knows that nobody would judge her if she told her brother to stay away.  However, she knows that being there for her brother is helping him through a difficult transition.  She knows that she is strong enough to handle his criticisms.  She looks at the big picture and sees that it would take him longer to heal without her.  She decides to keep her brother around because she knows helping him while he is being a jerk leads to a better outcome than turning him away.  She knows that his unkind criticisms are a symptom of his struggles and not a real reflection of her.

That example hopefully suffices in showing how a doormat type of person isn’t always weak.  Sometimes doormats are the most emotionally strong and patient people you will meet.  They will likely also be some of the most loving people you will ever meet.  A key aspect in becoming a strong doormat is to become emotionally self-cleaning.  You have to know how to shake other people’s dirt off of yourself.  You can’t rely on others to shake all that mess off of you.  You need a bag of tricks or a toolbox, and you need to make sure that the tools are safe to use.  Too many people turn to drugs, promiscuity, cutting, etc. to deal with emotional dirt being caked onto them.  Your tools could be morning jogs, meditation, journaling, volunteering, etc.  You have to find out what works for you.

You also have to accept that you are not going to be perfect.  Even strong doormats are allowed to have weak days.  Sometimes you may not get all of the previous day’s crap off of you and then unintentionally fling it onto somebody else.  It is common knowledge that those who are treated poorly may in turn lash out at others.  Apologize if you find yourself having bully moments.  Forgive yourself, and try to avoid reverting to that as much as you can.  Also, don’t kick yourself too much if your “inner raging bitch monster” gets a few hurtful words out at the person who is wiping their crap off on you.  Once again, apologize and try to avoid reverting as much as possible.

Being a self-cleaning doormat isn’t for everyone.  It’s a tough gig for a lot of natural doormats.  I hope nobody thinks I am encouraging this persona as something everybody should take on.  Different people teach and learn different lessons.  A self-cleaning doormat learns patience while hopefully teaching patience by example.  The world also needs tough love people to teach that there are consequences for our actions.  For example, some kids will keep back talking their mommas no matter how many times they are told why that is wrong.  Take those kids tablets away for a week and they will hesitate to back talk in the future.  Whether your nature is passive or no-nonsense, embrace it and all the positives that come with it.  One nature can learn from the other and shift when necessary.  They work together to create balance.  Therefore, while embracing the positives of your own nature, please try to embrace the positives of others’ natures.

Blessed be.

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A Half Glass

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There is a popular belief in which we attract what we put out.  In some cases that refers to our actual behavior towards others.  In other cases the concept even applies to our thoughts.  I will say for this post that the first category is karma and the second is the law of attraction.  I believe in both categories that the outcomes can often simply be the product of human nature.  I will explain with a couple of examples.

  • For karma:  If you treat others like crap, eventually somebody will turn on you and leave you spinning in your own personal crap storm.
  • For the law of attraction:  Your perspective lends to self-fulfilling prophecies.  You will hone in on all the aspects of your life that makes it seem like the universe is out to get you if you spend your life thinking the universe is out to get you.  In other words, because you spent all day thinking about how it sucks that your coffee maker broke you might not see the bright side that the coffee shop you had to go to for coffee that morning had a “now hiring” sign while you are unemployed.

In reference to the law of attraction, lets discuss the old question “Is the glass half empty or half full?”  Granted the answer to this can fluctuate depending on mood in my experience, my centered self would say that there is simply a half glass of water.  This means that the answer to the question could be “both” or “neither”.  According to the law of attraction, would this mean I attract both good and bad?  Conversely, would this mean that I attract neither good or bad but simply exist within a flow and experience whatever comes into my reach?

What if the law of attraction is largely a product of persistence?  People think they got something great because they knew if they wanted it bad enough it would become theirs.  As a result of their persistent desire, all their friends and family knew what they wanted and decided to help them get it.  Can we say then say that a mystical cause is the credit for gain or that a more mundane cause for gain came into play.  I do believe that the mystical and mundane can be weaved together for great results.  Thus, I am not trying to prove there is no mystical aspect to what happens to us.  I am a witch, so my belief in the mystical is pretty obvious.  This post is a post of pondering.  I would be interested to read the perspectives of others on this topic if any readers want to leave a comment about it.

Blessed be, y’all.

Hypocritical?

Oftentimes when someone says something offensive they are met with a response of unkindness.  For example: If a man says “Women are to serve men”, a large number of people will say “F*ck you, you male piece of s*it!”  Some will react this way because they they believe offense should be met with offense.  This is not particularly wise in my opinion, but that cause is not the point of this post.  Other people will respond unkindly to offense because they are appalled that someone would say something offensive to them.  Being appalled, they react with negative emotions driving them.  If belonging to the later group, you may be behaving in a hypocritical manner.  I have probably gotten swept up in such behavior, so this is in no way a soap box post.  This is a post to get people thinking about something I am now realizing.

How can it not be hypocritical to behave in a way that you would condemn another for?  “How can that (insult) think it is okay to insult me?”  Do you see how hypocritical that statement is?  Is that how any of us want to be?  I suppose this thought process and post were brought on by watching videos in which a guy tells people to respond to others who don’t like them as is by telling those others to “shove it up their arse”    The videos were obviously well meaning.  I am guessing a lot of people would feel great telling naysayers to “shove it up your arse.”  One can get weighed down by negative messages and long for the release of unloading that negativity.  However, might it be better to say “Your negative opinion of me does not effect me” or “You are wasting your breath by sharing negativity that I am going to reject”?  I realize those statements just don’t have the ring to them that “shove it up your ass” does.  That statement is more fun to say.  However, it just seems like it may not be the best response.  Perhaps the best response in some cases may be not to say anything at all verbally.  Sometimes saying something won’t make a difference.  There is no need to use our energy in a wasteful manner by speaking when ignoring a person makes more of a difference.

I am aware that this post is a bit rambly.  That is just how thought processes can be.

Blessed be, y’all.

An Update

To start, I have had a realization about the personal challenge I have recently started on.  The challenge is to keep my anger in check.  There is more detail on that in the previous post.  The realization I have had about the challenge is that some anger leaves about as quickly as it arrives.  That kind of anger does not seem worth analyzing really.  That is the kind that is a natural response to being annoyed or inconvenienced.  For example, it doesn’t take a genius to realize why I am getting pissed off if the cat keeps running across my keyboard while I am trying to watch a video on my computer.  I can make this anger short lived by simply shutting the cat out of the room until I am done watching the video.  Problem solved and anger in check.

Now to a different topic.  I have been watching a YouTuber’s videos about lucid dreaming and astral projection.  I don’t recall with certainty if I looked up the topic or if a video was recommended.  Either way, it was relevant.  I sometimes have annoying dreams in which In experience several false wakings.  I will realize I am asleep and try to wake up.  I will wake up several times in the dream before I wake up for real.  These false wakings are tricky because I can feel my toes move or myself sit up.  Then I realize my body has not moved and I was feeling the movement of my astral body.  In these dream experiences it is like my astral body is having trouble anchoring into the physical and keeps slipping out while I am trying to wake up.  It can get quite frustrating and cause me to have some difficulty grounding for a while after I wake up physically.  I suppose a word to describe the experience is “disorienting”.  I asked the YouTuber if she had experienced such dreams.  She said she had.  It was nice to know that somebody could relate.  I wonder if this kind of dream experience is fairly common or a sign of anything.

That’s all for this post except to say that I hope you are all doing well.

 

 

 

 

 

A Challenge

Most of us have heard the quote “Be the change you want to see in the world.”  For me, that translates into a need to reduce angry reactive programming within myself.  Society these days is full of poisonous hate.  A message we receive over and over again is that we are supposed to get pissed off if somebody offends us.  Embedded in that is the understanding that inconvenience and disagreement are offensive.  I have let it be known that it bothers me to see all the hatefulness I have witnessed the past several months.  Yet, I have not always kept my own angry reactions in check when offended.  There have been times when I felt extraordinarily angry because of minor offenses.  Granted I suspect there is a hormonal/chemical component to that, it is still worth noting.

I’m not saying I need to ignore my anger.  I am saying that I need to check it.  I need to ask myself a few questions when I feel anger rising in me:

  1.   Why am I getting so upset?
  2.   Is this worth my energy?
  3.   Can I turn what I have learned from this into something worth sharing?

I will elaborate a bit on those questions.  Sometimes the answer to why we are getting so upset is deeper than what is obvious.  For example, I got upset the other night after reading fear mongering comments under a video about spirit guides.  The surface of the problem was that people were disrespecting the vlogger by using a patronizing tone to tell him and his followers to “wake up” and that any spirit guide they contact would be a deceptive evil entity.  My objection to such comments went deeper than that disrespect though.  It stirred up the weird little girl in me who doesn’t want to be told she is bad or foolish because she thinks differently than those around her.  It stirred up the frustration that comes with all the fears and doubts that are faced when trying to explore an alternative path.  It was a reminder of why I stay largely in the broom closet.

That evening I found myself venting in a post that I decided not to publish.  I realized that typing out my thoughts was helpful to release them, but the post was probably not worth sharing with others.  The situation didn’t merit any more energy from me.  If it wasn’t worth my energy, it didn’t make sense to have readers waste their energy on it.  Continuing with this example, I can answer the third question.  This post is an example of turning what I have learned into something worth sharing.  What makes a post worth sharing (in my opinion) is that it pleases me to share it.  It pleases me to share when I believe I might provide a helpful “aha” moment or pleasant distraction to at least one reader.

To summarize; I am undertaking a personal challenge to alter the way I respond to anger. I don’t want to be a person who reacts to fire with fire, and I don’t want to be a person that makes a mountain out of a mole hill.  I am likely to falter at times, but that does not mean failure as long as I get back on track.  I invite you to take on this challenge with me.  If you have already mastered this, perhaps you want to challenge yourself with another way to be the change you want to see in the world.

Blessed be, y’all.

Dollar Tree

I am a fan of Dollar Tree.  Today I got some faux flowers (lavender), some poster tack, a small framed hydrangea picture that looks like a watercolor painting, and a Virgin of Guadalupe candle (as a backup for the one I have now).  Yesterday I got a cute little potted faux succulent.  I would prefer a real succulent, but my past experience with them has led me to believe they are gnat attracting wastes of money when in my care.  This one does look quite real though.

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I also recently got a little clear glass jar there that kind of reminds me of a cauldron.  I got black sand to go inside of it.  Unfortunately the sand seems to be dyed instead of naturally black.  The smell revealed it to be so.  The idea with the sand was to keep the glass from getting scratched if I place any crystals in the jar.  This is basically a “haul” post even though I only posted one photo.  I definitely recommend a trip to Dollar Tree if you are decorating with a small budget.

 

Donkeys

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Adorable Donkey

I had a dream in which I was left outside of my brother’s house (my actual brother’s house which used to belong to our grandparents) to stay on a twin bed/cot that was placed at the top of the driveway in sight of the door.  For some reason I found it acceptable to be left outside overnight waiting for them (my bro and his family) to get back home.  This was until I discovered a storm was coming.  Not like a tornado level storm, but like a dark skies with straight line winds kind of storm.  Then I became annoyed I had been left outside.  I heard loud bangs (as if the house was getting pelted a bit, and I decided there was no way I was staying out in the storm.  I managed to get inside the house somehow.  I don’t recall if I had a key or if the door was unlocked already.  When I got inside I noticed that apparently my brother and his wife had adopted two donkeys and put them in a rather small uncovered pin attached to the house (I could see the pin from the living room window).  Fearing the storm, the two donkeys had managed to get under the house and knock up floor boards with their heads.  They stuck their heads through the floor so that they could fully stand up and still have the shelter of the roof.  They were frantic though.  I realized they were the cause of at least some of the banging I had heard.  I believe I noticed one starting to pop up boards in the hallway floor before it noticed me and came back the living room area to stand with the other.  Although I don’t necessarily remember hearing the donkeys holler, it seems they were doing so quite a bit.  I decided to reach down and gently pet each of them.  They became happy once I did so, releasing their fear.  They just needed somebody to center them enough to realize they were safe.  I was happy to have the privilege to pet them (because donkeys are incredibly adorable).  Something else I seemed to notice about the house was that much of the furnishings were missing.  It was as if they were not finished moving in or had removed their furniture to make room or in order to be replaced.

I admit the donkey element of this dream could have something to do with my love for donkeys.  For the past year or two they have been one of my favorite animals.  I shriek “Donkeys!” when I see them in a field as the car passes.  I encountered one for the first time in person that I recall a year or two ago.  It was love at first sight.  They are cute like kittens to me.  That is saying something because I am a cat lady to the level of my maternal instinct kicking in more for cats than children.  It makes me sad that I can’t pet them when one runs up to a fence to look at me but is out of my reach (because I don’t want to trespass).   Recently one picked up a stick in its mouth and stared at me like it wanted to play fetch.  Oh how my heart broke at not being able to play fetch with that donkey.  My significant other actually bred two Mudbrays (donkey Pokemon) for me as a Valentine’s Day gift. Once again, the fact that he gave me those Mudbrays last night could have influenced the dream.  However, it seems I may have taken them on as a kind of spirit animal (not totem though).  So let’s look at Donkey’s message.

According to shamanicjourney.com :

Donkey is symbolic of versatility, intelligence, eager worker, determination, stubbornness, spiritual dedication, undying faith in the creative force, willingness to take on board the responsibilities and burdens of others (beast of burden).

Donkey’s have long been misrepresented and misunderstood by the ignorant masses. First domesticated roughly 4,500 years ago, they were regarded to be a status symbol for their owners. Versatile, eager workers with a kind nature and gentle intelligence donkeys can live for 40 years plus.

Donkeys colors range from white, grey to brown. In general they have white muzzles, rings around their eyes and light bellies. Some donkeys have markings on their back that look like a cross. Some have leg stripes. Various tales tell of how the donkey came to get the cross on their back. Some cultures believe the Lord rode the donkey and got the stripes on their legs from walking through the palm branches that were laid in their path as a mark of respect for the responsibility of whom they was carrying. Some tales imply the donkey was sent by God and the Prophet was carried to the heavens on its back.

The donkey is an indefatigable worker and personifies the qualities of determination and service to others. They have a deep dedication to the universe/All That Is. Donkeys are willing to take on the responsibilities and burdens of others. If this is your power animal, although helping others is wonderful, taking on more than one can carry with ease can pave the way for physical and emotional problems. Mastering the art of saying no, and being accountable for yourself and your own well being is a life lesson.

Not keen on change, donkeys can come across as stubborn. If anything seems dangerous to them – they absolutely won’t do it. However, this isn’t because they are stubborn, but because they trust, respect and listen to their own intuitive senses. They know their boundaries, what they can and cant do. This shows us how to trust, respect and listen to our own personal intuition also.

The donkey evolved in the desert, the irregular, testing land in where they resided learned them how to go about with caution. The frightened donkey would stop dead in its tracks without moving a muscle or run a short distance, before looking at what frightened them. They developed devious and cunning survival skills by getting themselves out of many sticky situations. If donkey plods into your life, hold on and consider what is challenging you and look for a way to progress safely. This is an outstanding power animal to have and a skillful master teacher.

Donkey have big, funnel like ears that can pick up sound a long way off. They know the messages held within each sound, showing us how to listen and awaken our clairvoyant abilities. You are being asked to awaken, develop or utilize your own latent, inherent abilities in one or more aspects of your life.

It certainly seems that Donkey could work for me as a spirit animal/power animal/animal messenger.  In terms of the dream I had, I could interpret it to mean that I am capable of taking care of myself despite fear or apparent limitations.  The dream could be reminding me how important it is to take care of myself and not just accept senseless limitations that have been given to me (by myself or others).  I need to take a moment to do something that soothes me so that I can feel safe whenever I find myself becoming panicked.  That last message is something I have known about myself for a while.  I have also had to make efforts to not take on too much of other people’s emotional baggage.  Although I find it a wonderful quality to be a caring person, it doesn’t really help anybody if I allow myself to be injured from carrying too much emotional weight.  Sympathy instead of empathy.  The message of Donkey also seems to be assuring me that it is okay that I don’t move as quickly as others through life.  It is okay that I take my time and am cautious.  That is comforting because I am what many would call a “late bloomer” in terms of leaving the nest.  In cooperation with my totem (spider), I don’t feel the need to rush out of a comfortable and safe web that has been woven.  I know the time will come when I have to move to a new web.  I want to make that web as well-constructed as possible though before making it my home.

Peace and love to you all.

Celestial Events

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penumbral eclipse image from wikipedia

Tonight brings a full moon (the Snow moon), a penumbral lunar eclipse, and a comet passing by which some will be able to view (I read binoculars will probably be needed).  Seems like it will be a great night for doing magick/energy work.  Speaking of things that are celestial and magickal, I want to state that thin mints are heavenly and full of magick.  I am eating them now, and they make me happy.  🙂  Yum!

Do you guys and gals have any plans to take advantage of the celestial energies tonight?  I am probably going to charge some of my crystals in my window sill and spray some snow water for purification.  I may even do a tarot reading.  I will likely work on cleaning and organizing some before tonight.  Might as well get the sacred space tidied up a bit if I am going to spray snow water.  I figure soon I will rearrange things in my room a bit and do some redecoration.  As those who have followed my blog for a while know, I like the redecorate at least a little as the seasons change.  I guess you could say I like to make adjustments to reflect the energy of the time.  Spring is going to call for bright colors and airiness.  Spring is my favorite time of year and I will be thrilled to celebrate it with lots bird watching and deep breaths.

May you all have a blessed evening.  ❤