The Vampire Feedbag

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Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

This post is going to be about energy vampires (or emotional vampires).  Last night somebody vented to me about emotional tyranny that was going on in their household.  Today I came across some videos explaining a bit about energy vampires and how to deal with them.  This all got me thinking about the topic, and now I feel inspired to share.

What is an energy/emotional vampire?

This is a person who feeds on the energy and emotions of others.  This behavior could be intentional or unintentional.  Many times an energy vampire may not even realize what he or she is doing.  Typically this behavior has harmful effects on those around the person “feeding”, but it can also negatively effect the person feeding.

What are signs of an energy vampire?

Signs of an energy vampire can include:

  • Narcissism
  • Egocentric attitude
  • Regular (as in often occurring) passive aggressiveness
  • Consistent anger
  • A love of arguing and desire to get in people’s faces
  • Drama creation
  • Insecurity (which can come through as jealousy or envy)
  • People in their lives tend to “walk on eggshells” to avoid setting them off.
  • Complains far more than the average person.
  • May have a victim mentality even if he or she is victimizing others
  • Consistently leaves others feeling drained or overextended
  • Likely to take advantage of unaware empaths

What causes somebody become an energy vampire?

I am by no means an expert on the subject, but one reason for this was explained to me as the victim becoming the victimizer.  A person can be warped by their frustration and exhaustion that is caused by dealing with an energy vampire.  This in turn can cause somebody to become an energy vampire.  This could be as dramatic as a person snapping at others because they were snapped at, or as subtle as a person extensively complaining to others about the drama they endure so that the effects of personal drama are passed to others.  (Side note:  I am not saying that one should never vent.  Sometimes people need to unload all the bullshit that has been weighing on them.  However, one must try to avoid unloading too much on others.  We need to be aware of others so that we do not unload our stress onto someone who can’t handle it.  Don’t break another’s back with a straw that was weighing you down.)

I can think of a couple other reasons I suspect people become energy vampires.  Those reasons are to fill a void and to feel important.   If a person feels something is missing from themselves, they might start looking for the missing piece in other people.  A man might say “I don’t know how to be happy” and then seek to correct that by relying on others to make him happy.  A person who feels unimportant might take to attention-grabbing antics in order to feel important.  If a woman constantly creates situations that place her in the middle of drama, there is a good chance that she feels this validates her importance.  “The focus is on me because I matter.”

It likely boils down to a person becoming an energy vampire because of a failure to address harmful mental”wiring” and properly tend to emotional wounds.

What are the effects of energy/emotional vampirism?  

The most recognized effect is the exhaustion of those being drained.  This could be emotional and physical exhaustion.  Some people might try to tip-toe around the vamp so much that their efforts to avoid being drained by emotional flare-ups can be exhausting.  Self-care is neglected in favor of giving too much.  Compromise becomes an unfamiliar concept.  There isn’t much if any “agreeing to disagree”.  Relationships become tainted for both the feeders and the drained.  How are the vampires negatively effected by their own behavior?  They increase the chances of pushing others away when valuable relationships could be developed.  Other people may be afraid to be honest with them, thus emotional vampires may struggle to differentiate between what is true and false.  A sort of addiction is going on in order to “medicate” personal problems in a way that temporarily eases symptoms but gives no cure.  Satisfaction might seem unachievable for both parties.

Don’t be a martyr for a vampire.

The vampire feedbag is rather often going to be a person willing to let long-term manipulation take place.  Unaware empaths seem to be especially vulnerable to this form of abuse because of the deep compassion they feel for the wounded person.  They stick around enduring bad behavior because they ache with the abuser and want to help the energy vampire heal.   “I need to keep giving him what he wants and taking the blame because that helps him feel better.”  Self-sacrifice isn’t always heroic.  Sometimes it is just putting a bandage over an infected wound.  

How do I break the cycle of feeding?

This depends on if you are the energy-sucker or the drained.  If you realize you are an energy vampire (or becoming one), you need to take a good look at yourself.  You need give tough love to yourself.  Be honest with yourself that you need to cut out the bullshit, and compassionate enough with yourself that you allow your wounds to heal instead of tearing more holes into yourself.  Be mindful of when you are acting out and feeding off attention.  Find healthy ways to deal with your issues without negatively influencing others.

If you are being fed from, you need to set boundaries.  “I love you, but you are not allowed to drag me down with you.”  You must accept responsibility for your role in it if you chose to let the feeding take place.  You can’t place all the blame for your exhaustion on the other player if you chose to play the game.  You need to become aware of when you are being manipulated so that you can stand your ground.  You should try to stand your ground in a way that is not overly reactive.  Being too reactive “feeds the beast”.  Finally, come to terms with the fact that you are not solely responsible for the happiness of another.  You can influence the well-being of others, but they decide whether to work with you or work you.  Each adult individual needs to take some responsibility for their own well-being.  Don’t give until you have nothing left for yourself.

Blessed be, y’all.

 

P.S.  For those who wondered, I got some of my information about energy vampires from a YouTube channel called Zen Rose Garden.

 

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Thoughts on Gratitude Guilting

I suspect some of those reading this have witnessed gratitude guilting.  For those who may not be sure what I am referring to, gratitude guilting is what I am calling the behavior when someone tries to win praise by guilting others for not seeming grateful enough.  This can take form as passive aggressive comments, whining, or direct shaming.  Some examples are (when directed at others):

“Why do I help anyone when I get so little thanks?”

“Liking something is not as good as commenting, have you know.”

“Why do I bother putting so much effort into my appearance when nobody bothers to tell me I look great?”

It is probably safe to give hard-working parents a free pass for doing this from time to time.  Cleaning up all that poop and dirty laundry while dealing with snarky little attitudes can be stressful.  Thus it is perfectly understandable to shout out “It sure would be nice to hear a thank you!” occasionally while in a state of highly-frustrated parental melt-down.

Let’s be honest though; many times we are helping ourselves while we help others.  It isn’t fair to gratitude guilt somebody when you are helping yourself too.  You don’t only wash the dishes for the sake of your housemates.  Chances are you don’t want a dirty kitchen or a roach infestation.  Also, you want some clean dishes for your next meal.

As a blogger, I know that my blog is for me even though I do hope to provide some insight and entertainment for others.  It feels great to read a comment in which somebody expresses appreciation for something I have written.  However, I know that comments gained by gratitude guilting would likely be insincere.  I don’t want to force gratitude on anybody.  That sucks the joy out of things.  Plus, I just don’t have that strong of a need for gratitude.  It’s nice, but it isn’t oxygen.  It makes me wonder about a person’s well-being if they are willing to shame somebody to get validation.

It seems particularly petty to me for a person to get nitpicky about the form of gratitude they receive.  People show appreciation in different ways.  A person showing appreciation differently than you do does not invalidate their expression.  Perhaps your co-worker brings you a cup of coffee as thanks for helping him catch up on paper work instead of saying the words “Thank you.”  Perhaps your husband brings you your favorite take-out because he is well aware the kids have been running you ragged.  (A  burrito can be every bit as romantic as a rose if you consider the reason for it.)  Perhaps your group members or social media followers give you ‘likes’ instead of commenting about how brilliant you are.  Appreciation shown is lovely in many forms.  You are missing out if you only recognize it being shown your way.

I suppose I have made my thoughts on the topic clear enough.  This was essentially a way for me to vent in a thought-out manner.  Feel free to let me know if you agree.  I would be interested to read examples that you have witnessed.

Heirloom and Approval

 

I frequently stay with my grandmother.  She gets lonely since my grandfather passed away almost four years ago, and we enjoy each other’s company.  I have went through her jewelry several times while there over the years for various reasons such as untangling chains and getting replacement earring backings.  The other day I was there and noticed a heart pendant in one of the jewelry drawers.  I don’t seem to recall seeing it previously, or at least I didn’t much note it.  I picked it up and examined it to see if it were costume jewelry or had a silver stamp on it.  I found I teeeeeny tiny engraving on the back of the bail but could not make out what it stated even with a magnifying glass.  As I was holding it and trying to figure out what the stamp was, I felt more and more attached to it.  I walked with it to my grandmother holding the pendant.  She wasn’t sure if it was silver, plated, or what have you.  However, she informed me it had been a gift to her mother-in-law (my great grandmother) from her and my grandfather.  My grandmother doesn’t wear it, but had held onto it since my great grandmother’s passing in circa 1989.  I don’t recall my grandfather’s mom because I was a wee babe when she passed.  My grandmother assumes I did meet her since she lived closed by, but didn’t seem to really recall me with her.

I found myself really wanting to keep this pendant.  I had this desire fixed in me, and slipped it onto the chain I was wearing to wear around my grandmother while she thought about whether or not I could have it.  She wasn’t sure she wanted to give it to me at first since she thought it might be unfair to other people in the family, but I figured they didn’t care too much since it had just been sitting in a drawer for three decades with presumably nobody asking about it.  She ended up giving it to me the next night.  That night/morning I ended up having a dream that I was walking along the road with my grandfather.  He had been unable to walk for some years before his passing.  It was so wonderful to see him walking around with ease and be in his company.  I wouldn’t necessarily say this felt/seemed like a spirit visit dream, but I do wonder if this was perhaps a way for my grandfather to show me he approved of me having his mother’s pendant.  I polished tarnish off of it today and put it on a chain.  I am wearing it around my neck, and I am thankful to have this piece of jewelry that was gifted with love to an ancesteral matriarch I didn’t get the chance to know.

Blessed be, y’all.

The Skeptic Response

I’m watching a program about America’s psychic past. A man at the beginning of the program who is skeptical states that if the paranormal were real there would have been much more evidence gained to support it over the past hundred years. My instant response to that was that if the paranormal were easy to prove then it would be normal instead of paranormal. The essence of his dilemma was a contradiction within his own wording. That is like saying you don’t believe in miracles because you have not seen enough of them. That is fine if you admit you are a “seeing is believing” person, but the word miracle would not have such a tone of awe if crying statues and sudden healings were commonplace.

An Experiment

I regularly deal with a lack of energy, and I am prone to migraines. My recent dream about “The Antidote” told me the name of my higher self which sounded a lot like “Iodine” to me. I thought that was odd. I figured I’d misheard and decided it was a similar sounding name instead. Now I suspect my higher self was hinting to me that I have an iodine defiency. Such a deficiency can apparently lead to the aforementioned conditions. Thus I am going to start making sure I have iodine in my diet by means of cranberry juice, eggs, tuna, etc. Hopefully I will see a reduction of fatigue and migraines as time goes by. 🙂

The Water Wall

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Once again I found myself lucid in a dream with the ocean.  Things were different this time though.  I apparently was lucid while the dream scene was changing.  I walked into a house and the rooms progressively got more beachy as I walked through.  When I walked out onto the porch I could tell there was the ocean to my right without looking directly at it.  So I turned my head to look away but could also peripherally see that there was ocean water to my left.  I could see the water start to rise high.

I prepared myself for this possibility before I went onto the porch.  I decided that I would ask Jesus to protect me in the event that this turned out to be another tsunami dream.  Running, shutting myself away in a building, trying to control the water, asking a dream guide to tell me why; those actions just were not helping to erase the fear out of these dreams and stop them.  So this time I decided I was going to stay in place and ask Jesus for help.  I sat on a porch chair and closed my eyes or just honed into my prayer so much that it blurred the visual around me.  I repeated several times to Jesus that I trust Him to protect me and keep me free from pain.  After some time I felt it was safe to look again.  I looked over to my right and saw that the wave had paused and was standing as a wall of water.  I think there were swirls of water or light across the surface, but the wave was stopped from gaining momentum and crashing ashore.

I felt I was perhaps supposed to walk into the wall of water.  I did so somewhat cautiously.  I stuck a hand out into the water first and could feel a hand reach for mind.  I momentarily was startled by the feeling of something protruding from the hand reaching out.  I wondered for a second if this hand hand claws.  The hesitation quickly passed as I was in a space of trusting Jesus.  When I crossed the wall, I saw that I was apparently in a hospital and the hand that pulled me through belonged to a bald woman wearing a hospital gown.  She was Caucasian and probably in her 20s or 30s.  I think she had blue eyes.  What I felt protruding from her hand was IV equipment.  I suspect she was a cancer patient.  She looked right at me as if she wanted or needed to share something with me, or at least like she was really seeing me.  I suspect she would have told me something if the dream didn’t end very shortly after going through the water.  I’m not entirely sure if I briefly woke up or the dream just ended.

It was a relief that the tsunami was stopped in this dream.  It is great relief that I thank Jesus and the Divine Parents for.  I really don’t what to make of the sickly woman pulling me through into a hospital.  I could theorize, but I’m not sure.

 

Again with the Tsunami Dreams

Once again I found myself lucid in a dream where I found myself on a beach with a Tsunami coming in. I asked for a dream guide to tell me why I continue having these dreams, feeling desperate and frustrated wanting to have a stop put to it so I can just enjoy beach dreams. I heard no response from a guide though. Instead I sought shelter in a large building which was likely a hotel. I could see the water surrounding and making way into the building. I don’t recall any more to the dream than that.

I have considered before that perhaps I should just stand in place and wait for the massive wall of water to come over me. However it is difficult to stay calm and objective when in such a dream, especially when you know you can feel pain in a dream. Dream control does not always work well for me. I recall a dream that I seem have had right before this mornings water horror. I tried to put out a fire that was consuming a house by making it rain. I was startled that the fire initially got worse with a tree behind the house exploding into flame. I believe it rained after, but it goes to show how unpredictable dream control can be.

The Antidote

I had a lucid dream in which I entered a cottage where I could feel my higher self stays. She was away, but two colleagues of hers were there. I chatted a little with one of them, and he pointed out to me that there are some language differences between their world and the one we live in. He said that what we call “The Higher Self”, they call “The Antidote”. That makes sense to me given that our higher selves can help cure us of “poisons” that negatively affect our well-being. Interesting.