I believe tiger is a protective spirit animal to me. I had a dream of me lying in bed in the mostly dark bedroom with a menacing presence on top of me. I closed my eyes and started mentally calling for tiger. After not very long, the menacing presence left. I did not see or hear tiger, but I felt my protector had come to my rescue.


Darkness Shining Light


This is probably going to be a be complicated for me to discuss, as well as for others to understand.  I am going to try to though.

I feel that at the core of who I am is a strong woman steeped in the mystery and solace of darkness.  I am not referring to the figurative darkness people commonly use to describe malice.  I am talking about the kind of darkness in which one can find solace and power in isolation out of the sight of others.  The kind of darkness in which one can be alone with their own thoughts and intertwine with mystical energy, wherein the cover of night a person can take off his or her mask and be true to both the beauty and “ugliness” of oneself.  True to the “weirdness” of oneself too.  Our spirit tribes and the darkness of night allow us to be our true selves.  Not just part of our true selves, but our fully true selves.

However, I (and surely many others) cannot live fully as a hermit in the darkness.  That aspect of myself is there and my heart embraces her.   My heart and mind keep her from fully coming out though.  There are others to consider.  There are people I love that need me (or at least believe they need me).  I certainly enjoy sharing laughs and smiles with those people.  I can’t just hermit away and avoid humanity.  I can’t just hide and tell everybody to take care of themselves.  Instead, I force myself to be a light.  I smile.  I shrink myself at times when necessary to prevent casting a shadow.  I try to share wisdom to enlighten and uplift.  I try to be the most kind and understanding person I can be.  This isn’t always easy.  Especially when I just can’t seem to shine bright enough and I know others are not at peace in the dark.  For those people, even the shadows cast behind them by light can leave them feeling unsettled.  They can’t feel at home in the light or the dark.  Maybe that’s why I am the way I am.  I understand what it is like from both sides and can adjust to each.  Maybe people like me are here to shine light for those who are scared of the dark while simultaneously being prepared to help them come to terms with the darkness.

I suppose this all ties into my association with the archetype of Persephone.  I do love the springtime, flowers, and pretty colors.  The world is more fond of that “springtime” self.  Persephone is known as being dual-natured.  I suspect that is just an oversimplified way for the world to understand something that is not narrow.  This seems a bit like babble.  Perhaps it is.  I felt it needed to be expressed though.  To be expressed in order to better understand myself as well as to let kindred spirits know they are not alone.  Constantly trying to stay balanced on a line between the light and darkness can be rather f**king difficult, with the self split while still being unified.  The fact of that sounding like a paradox is proof enough of the difficulty.

Blessed be, y’all.

Returning to the Same Dreamland

CHAPEL-TREE-3-1024x787 margravinecementaryuk
Looks a lot like this place.  Image from http://margravinecemetery.org.uk/chapel/ .

The other day I awoke from a dream in which I thought in dream that I was exploring out of body.  I thought I was exploring out of body from an “off screen” body within the dream.  It started out at a school and I told some person that I needed to get back to my body before they cut me open for autopsy, but then decided to explore real quick instead.  I walked outside and hurried to a tree that I was very happy to see.  It was like I recognized the tree as a sacred place that I had missed.  I hugged the tree and bent down to the ground to kiss the ground at its roots.  I was smiling and maybe even slightly crazy looking to other people there, but they didn’t really seem bothered, rather just looking at me like I’m a tourist perhaps.  I think I read a stone or plaque by the tree stating the name of the tree, but I don’t recall what it said.  I wondered around the town this was in after appreciating my short visit with the tree.  I eventually went to eat a piece of fruit I pulled off of a tree.  (Oddly, it was a tomato.  That’s odd because tomatoes don’t grow on trees.)  And a couple of guards, one I noticed in particular, came running up behind be screaming with worry for me not to eat that.  So I threw it on the ground and spit out whatever bit of tomato skin might might gotten on my teeth.  The guard was relieved.  He asked me if I knew where I was.  I replied “The Upperworld?”  I’m not sure what he said after that but he started explaining something to me.  Then I woke up.

I was really curious about what that guard was going to tell me.  So I told myself I wanted to go back to that place and find him to ask what he was going to tell me.  So that is what I did my next sleep cycle.  I found myself lucid and went back to that place.  I tried to track the guard down but I kept getting the run around from dream characters.  I think I took a break for a night from lucid dreaming and then this morning lucid dreamed again.  I decided once again to try to go back to the area that tree was.  I asked a woman to help me find it and she said I was in the wrong part of the land, that it was on the other side of the country essentially.  I asked her the name of the land and she told me, but I don’t remember with certainty what she said.  I thanked her and started to head that way.  I woke up before getting back there.

I wonder if I will be able to go back to that tree again, and what it was that drew me to it.  I know false memories are common in dreams.  However, it was like my subconscious recognized it as a place from “between lives” or another life.

Dreams and Such

First off, I’d like to say I can hardly believe we are already halfway through January.  It is sort of frightening how quickly time flies by.

Now for the dreams.  These are not lucid dreams, but rather interesting dreams I have had over the past couple sleep cycles.

Dream 1.) I am in a little shack in the country with a small group of other spiritually minded people.  We show each other meditation methods and such and hang out there.  I guess you could say it was like a little club.  In retrospect it seems like it was me, maybe a couple other females, and a guy who seemed like the alpha of the group.  I ask him if I could practice energy healing for his physical body.  He gives me permission and I can feel something happening.  As I stand behind the seated man with my hands hovering over his head/shoulder area my arms and hands start to shake.  He tells me that he has seizures sometimes and I must be picking up on that while I heal him.  Then he politely enough has me stop what I am doing and walks to a couch on the other side of the room, informing me he doesn’t want me to try healing him ever again.  He says so in a casual sort of of mocking way and I think another female sort of chuckles with him.

Dream 2.)  I am standing with a small group of women in a little bathroom as a woman looks at a pregnancy test and excitedly tells us she is pregnant.  It is the day before or day of her wedding, and we all happily congratulate her.  I happen to hear to women nearby in the house quietly mention that one of them has cancer and they don’t want to say anything until after the wedding, as not to ruin the couple’s big day.  I walk over and sit beside the afflicted woman who is probably in her late 50s or early 60s and I tell her about my aunt having had breast cancer and being in remission for 15+ years.  Even though the woman was not happy about having to get a mastectomy, she smiled and was thankful for what I told her as it gave her some hope.  The wedding is about to start and one of the bridesmaids is having an issue with her dress.  The dress is too big in the chest area causing it too drape in an immodest way.  She has tried to rig the dress to cover up more, but has made a tacky mess of it.  I hurry to a closet and pull out a shawl that will tastefully work with the dress.  She is relieved when I give her the shawl.

I notice that there seems to be a common theme in the dream of me wanting to help people.  In the first dream my help is shunned after it seems it will actually be helpful.  In the second dream, people are appreciative of my help.  I don’t know if this is all purely subconscious representation of my desire to help others, or if it is spirit’s way of telling me that some people being unappreciative should not stop me from helping those who will gladly accept help.  Maybe these dreams are a message from my higher self that I can be a healer even without physically healing people, but by doing little things that help others.

On a different note, a song I have not heard or thought of in a long time randomly popped into my head while I was washing dishes earlier.  The song was “Heart like a sad song.”  I barely paid any attention to it at first.  Then I was like “Wait…why did this song just pop into my head out of nowhere?  Maybe it is a message from spirit.”  So I looked up the song on YouTube.  Underneath the video I selected was a video link for an animation (no dialogue) of Persephone’s story.  I don’t know if I was supposed to take a specific message from the song or the animation, but I suspect that the animation was a sign to let me know that spirit was telling me to look up that song.  Perhaps my guides were conducting an exercise to see if I was paying attention.

That’s all for now.  Blessed be, y’all.

The Magick of Placebo

Magick, as I think of it, is the manipulation of energy with focused intent in order to produce a change.  Many would think of the success of magickal workings as a sort of placebo effect.  Perhaps that is true, but who is to say there is no magick in a placebo?

When placebos work, they do so because of the patient’s belief that they will work.  Belief can be a powerful force.  It is thought by many magickal-minded folk that our words are spells.  The words we use can uplift or damage ourselves.  Thus, as a sugar pill may act as a cure to some, it could harm those who choose to believe it is poison instead of a cure.  This is why all the magick in the world might not help somebody who has been conditioned to believe that magick isn’t real.  It is harder to appreciate what you refuse to recognize.

A crystal and an hour alone can do for me what many other people need anxiety pills for.  Skeptics would scoff and say that I have tricked myself into feeling better, but I say it is magick enough if it works.  On the other hand, there are people who have told themselves so many times that the world is horrible and they are unwell that it seems impossible to them that they feel better even with medication.  (P.S., this is not against medication.)

Don’t be afraid of seeming foolish if you see the magick of a placebo.  I’d rather be a happy fool than a miserable person any day of the week.  If only more people could allow themselves to believe in magick.  It is not always easy to believe that things will get better, but it certainly seems to make life more bearable believing that things at least can get better.

Blessed be, y’all.



Hey y’all.  Belated happy new year.  Been on a little break from posting.  The muse might be on vacation.  Maybe she will be back soon.  Blessed be, y’all. 

Pretty Book

One of my dream books has arrived!  Although the usual cover for Gateway to the Inner Self is pretty cool, I was able to get this pack for a lower price than the regular edition.  I got it from this seller who was quick to ship.  Not sponsored.  I decided to give a link in case another blogger wants to snag this book pack.  I think it is quite pretty, especially since I dabble with watercolor.  There is a little minor damage to it, but I tend to expect that possibility with things shipped through the mail.